see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
