Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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