How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
