he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
