Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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