oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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