New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize