I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
