Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
