I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
