1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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