so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
