It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
