so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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