Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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