I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
