a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
