i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
