Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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