Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
