Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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