If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we made out on top of his cat.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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