Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
