I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
