In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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