Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
