dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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