she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
