Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
