am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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