I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
