Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
