I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
