I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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