I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
