just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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