doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
