He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
