When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize