Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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