Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
