all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
