Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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