Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
