Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
