I think my vagina is haunted
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
