Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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