Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
