Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
