suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
