i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize