That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
