is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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