Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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