Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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