Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
