Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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