Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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