my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Is Oprah even human
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
