Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
