it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
