i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
