Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
