I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
