I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
