Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize