Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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