Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize