I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
