i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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