I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
