I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
