Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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