Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
