don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
