it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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