The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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