____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
