I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
