this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
