Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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