it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
At least life still wants to fuck me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize