if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
