a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize