How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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