If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I love you. Go after that dick
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
