I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize