I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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