were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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