next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
