so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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