i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
