"it" just moved
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
