I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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