Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
