I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
