just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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