I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
