i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
two words: eviction party
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
