On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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