bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
