I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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