You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
So. Much. Porn.
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