I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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