After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
