holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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